To ultimately overcome our fears we must come to understand them. I have learned to look at fears with curiousity, with empathy. We make fear more powerful when we run away from it. Fear gives us discomfort, it makes us feel different…but why runaway from a change that will lead to greatness. Just for that moment in time where we run toward our fear we feel such pain, but we gain strength when we are no longer afraid.
I am afraid to love because I am afraid to lose and get hurt. Dealing with early losses in my life has caused me to be paranoid and distrustful toward others. My immediate thoughts when I enter any type of relationship is if they are going to leave, are they going to hurt me, or are they not going to love me anymore. When I think these thoughts, I make these things happen because I am setting myself up for failure. Our fears torture us day to day making us think we can never face the fear, but it is all in our heads. We as humans are really capable of anything, we can overcome these fears that have dominated our lives! If we stop to look at it and stop running, we see a scared little child inside needing some guidance and love. Maybe you were not loved the way you wanted to at a young age, or given the respect and treatment you deserved, but no one can give that to you now; only you can. I was deprived of love and felt neglected, but it was not my fault and certainly not theirs either. And I grew up to be doubtful of love, to doubt the trust of my loved ones because of what I felt in the past. However, I know these fears and doubts are unrealistic, they are not true to how my life is at this moment. If there is no one to give it to you, remember you are the core of your own happiness. The beauty of who you are within has been suppressed by our misery, suffering, or past experiences, but as we learn to love and trust ourselves and others we are free to shine. Our beauty and happiness will arrive as we come to terms with our pain.
Pain gives us the opportunity to take chances, to take risks, to make mistakes, and later learn from it. We cannot gain courage if we do not have anything to overcome. We all have the tools to be free from fear; we can care, empathize, give, understand and love.
I did not want to let go of the pain, I did not know how to forgive, but it was destroying me and my relationships with people I loved, my insecurities came up again and again as I questioned the ones who loved me so much. If I wanted to change and learn to be happy, I had to let go of the past, let go of the hurt I held on to for so long.
As you take a long look at yourself and your life, start thinking about what you want. If you choose to have a better life for yourself, believe you are capable of doing it and more because I have NO DOUBT you are able to reach your dreams even if everyone else thinks it’s impossible. Others are not living your life, only you are. So take those steps to be where you want to be by enjoying all the things at this very moment.
All the puzzles will fall into place when you believe in yourself, love, and life.